These passed few days I’ve seen a lot and realized a little…
The day I stopped breastfeeding Luna has been a big release for me. I feel happier and less needed. And from that one thing I actually feel defended, protected, and stood up for. So, I finally feel loved… And utmost importantly now that Giovanny knows the baby is really there. Feels the baby move and see how he massages me even if I ask and do little things it make me happier… I miss being taken care of. I miss feeling loved, wanted, and just warm. But what made my week was when he actually told his mom OUR SON IS NOT HER KID AND IM THE MOTHER AND SHE IS NOT. Those words were enough for me and since then we haven’t gotten into any big altercations… Instead if ranting on about his Mom, I just hushed up and took it for what it is. He actually helped the situation handled it, and blocked her out for me. that’s what been needed… It’s nice to see him tell her what he needed to. To make me feel like this is our family and that we are gonna do what we want. Him just taking her out the room took soo much weight out of my shoulders and for me to not have to waste my words or energy on her was a BIG RELIEF. Cause honestly, I’m at the edge and don’t need anymore negativity.. Everything else is unnecessary to me. I’m 100% about my family, thats that. It’s great to see geo be there for us and be a man…
Today just topped it off he got his externship and its near by. He starts next week, I’m so proud. This is one of the last things he’s needed to get our family going to start our own life. Hopefully he gets his BLS done and STATE so we can be out of here and just worry about us and our little family. Now, that were getting bigger I worry I will never get out of here. i just want to raise our kids our way with no one making comments, assumptions, and dictating me… I mean, it’s enough that someone has made me feel as if I am a bad mother.. When we finally do get our own place I know I will find peace and clarity and will reunite and reignite my relationship with Giovanny fully… I miss us, him, and me.. not the old us I just want a better us than before and from here. I wanna get away from everyone and everything and just deal with our problems not everyone elses. I don’t think it’s selfish at all to want my own family… I mean from the beginning thats all i ever wanted and cause i haven’t had it and have delt with other things that don’t have to do with me i have let the anger get the best of me. I hope soon we can restore our happiness and be happier than we ever were and with the two joys in our lives. i just want my man back and want to be happy again.
Soon we will be finding out if it’s a boy or girl…
Which I am hoping it’s a girl, but if its a boy then it’s all good!
